What I learned from networking out of my comfort zone

September 5, 2007 · by Joanna Paterson · in

Last month I set myself a challenge: to push myself to explore new ways of working, writing and learning with other people. There’s nothing like declaring your intention publicly to commit to it, so I included the challenge in my opening post at Joyful Jubilant Learning.

Of course the decision to start writing and learning at JJL was in itself part of this new determination to stop trying to do it all on my own. I’ve been changing other things too – like opening up this site to some powerful voices who are going to be guest authoring here in September (more on this to follow…)

But I knew the thing that was going to be hard for me, the bit that would take me right out of my comfort zone, was learning how to network more effectively. I’m a writer, I’m a sole trader, I work from home, I have a tendency to shyness. All of these things can make me a bit of a recluse at times. All of these things were potential stumbling blocks to my networking efforts. All of these things were – of course – the reason why it was a good idea to try!

So, for the last three weeks I’ve been exploring the labyrinthine world of the social networking sites… I’ve learned a lot – about how they function but more importantly about how I think and work, and the barriers that I need to hurdle over in order to get out of that comfort zone…

Barrier #1: I fear that networking sites will be like a party. Like some other great people I know, I don’t like parties. I’m immediately tongue-tied in a crowd. I like love blogging because it’s like a conversation – the kind you might have in the kitchen or the hallway at a party, or over a late-evening drink long after the other guests have gone home. I need to find a way to focus on the individuals who I’ll find at these parties sites – as people I can potentially have a conversation with – rather than fretting about how to make small-talk

Barrier #2: I’m network poor so I don’t have friends I can ‘poke’. I’ve spent the last twenty odd years working in the public sector in the UK. I know a lot of great civil servants, but they don’t tend to hang out in social networking sites, nor can they help me with internet marketing, blogging, learning for personal development, spiritual growth or the zillion of other things I’m into just now. Okay, so this one’s a real no brainer. Being network poor is a pretty good reason to start networking, not hang back! There’s no reason to fret about not having ready made Facebook friends – this is a chance to get to know some new people

Barrier #3: I won’t know anyone. See how this is starting to sound like my party fears? Actually it turned out that I do ‘know’ people each place I sign up, because I keep on finding networks of bloggers that I’ve already ‘met’. And they’re a pretty good bunch of people to hang out with :-)

Barrier #4: I’d have to be superficial. This one goes deep. I find it hard to small talk. I have a very strong drive to be, to sound, to write like my authentic self. I found it hard to see how I could do this in a site like Facebook, where at first glance everyone seems to be determinedly having fun. But the people there are people the same as they are everywhere. Once you get to know them a richer, more intriguing story starts to emerge. And it’s good for me not to take things too seriously. Some of the stuff you can do there (if admittedly distracting and time consuming) like re-arranging each other’s fridge-magnet-poetry… well it is good fun…

Barrier #5: I don’t know how they work. Well no, and some of the sites are harder to use than others. I do find Facebook on the footery side (=fiddly, irritating, an exasperating task), but like most things it gets easier the more you practice. And there are lots of people out there who are willing to teach me (for free) how to get the most out of them

Barrier #6: It’ll take far too much time. Jury’s still out on this one. There are lots of potential distractions and time-wasters in this stuff, and I can’t quite fathom how to remember to check so many different places for messages and updates. As if e-mail wasn’t enough… But I’m figuring it’s worth the investment just now if for no other reason than to see what happens and to get me out of the comfort zone

Barrier #7: There’s no space to write, it’s just noise. I’m still trying to fathom the whole tweeting thing, but maybe there are some spin off benefits in terms of writing with brevity if we learn how to compose a perfect Twitter message in 140 characters (thanks Rick)

Barrier #8: I can never think of cool movies, books and music to talk about. This is back to my party phobia. My mind always goes blank when people ask me for my ‘favourites’. At first I resisted filling in this part of my Facebook profile. Why should I need to tell people this? Why would people want to know? But then I realized that it was just another way of people finding each other – connecting with others who have a similar set of interests. And if someone bumps into me because they love Fargo too – well that would be brilliant. And so what if the only TV I watch is Coronation Street – I don’t have time for TV any more, I’m too busy blogging!

Barrier#9: It’s real networks I need not virtual ones. Well, the virtual sort can lead to the real ones too. I got an e-mail at the beginning of the week from a reader in Edinburgh, inviting me to a weekly catch-up session with like minded designers, IT specialists, educationalists, bloggers to talk about the potential of all things technological. How cool is that?!

Barrier#10: I don’t really want to draw attention to myself. This is a big potential barrier (yes, you can see it too, to a whole lot of things…) and one that I really needed to get over. The lightbulb moment came when a great blogging friend (and calm and thoughtful private coach) pointed out that not everybody liked hanging out in the blogosphere. Some people liked hanging out on Facebook. Maybe they’d be interested in my work, in sharing writing tips, in finding out more about learning to write with confidence.

Kerpow! That was all I needed. Once I realized I could learn how to make this stuff work not to promote myself but in order to connect with people who might be interested in what I do – well then the learning was easy, I started updating my profiles, working out how to make the footery technology work, wrote new words to describe what I do, and set up a brand new group.

It’s called Confident Writing: readers, writers, learners, friends*. It’s for anyone (who’s on Facebook) who’s interested in the work I do here, who wants to learn about writing with confidence, or to share how they go about it. It’s an open invitation and I’d love for you to come along and join the party…

So there we have it. 10 simple steps from being a network poor recluse to a girl who’s throwing the doors open for a party…

The key to getting from there to here? A certain amount of determination. A willingness to notice the barriers that I was throwing up for myself, and find ways round them. (Although of course once you name them they start to look a bit silly and lose their power.) An invitation to step out of my comfort zone, and notice, learn, and write about what happened when I made the commitment to change.

This article is a contribution to Robert Hruzek’s What I Learned From This… challenge for September – on the easy subject of what I learned from change. You’ve got until the 9th to send your piece in – so go on… What are you going to change?

I’m also going to count this as a contribution to my writing with authenticity theme, as it takes a certain amount of courage to share with you how terrible I am have been at networking!

*Sorry – I think you need to be signed on to Facebook to open this link