Are You Tuning in to Positive Feedback?

March 18, 2009 · by Joanna Paterson · in

This post starts with a conversation with a reader on Twitter.  It went something like this:

Me: I loved  your piece today.  It was so full of life.

Them: I’m glad you liked the article.  I’m always full of self-doubt about my writing

Me: But every time I read your stuff I hear ‘you’

Them: Funny, everybody says that!  I read all your advice and I still find myself wanting

Wanting what? I wondered… Wanting different, better, more constructive advice?  Then I realised what she meant.  That, whatever other people said, she found her writing wanting.

(Def: absent, lacking.  Not measuring up to standards or expectations.)

Which got me thinking.  About suggestions that might help.  And also that she was probably far from being alone in this self-doubt, and dismissal of the praise of her words.

All of which got me thinking about a post on learning from the positive feedback that you get.  And 5 things to think about to explore this question:

Are you tuning in to positive feedback?

Feedback experiment by Sue P on flickr

1. Pay attention

Pay attention to the feedback you get.  Be specific – take a note of the language that people use.  And when I say take a note… try taking a note.  It’ll reinforce the positive feedback loop.

2. Notice your reactions

Tune in to your reactions to the words someone else has used.  Do those words resonate with you?  Do you feel a sense of connection?  See how they relate to a value, idea or approach that is important to you?

Those positive responses can give you a clue, both of what’s important to you in your writing style and content, and ways in which you are already achieving that effect with your words.

3. Ramp It Up

If you’re getting feedback that you value, and that hits your buttons, keep doing more of what you’re doing.  Ramp it up.

Have a look at your writing – as detached and analytical as you can.  If the feedback was that your writing was… heart-warming, authentic, funny, clear-minded, incisive, enlightening, witty, ‘just like  you’… what evidence can you see to back that up?  What words did you use, what stylistic devices, what tone of voice?

Take note, pay attention, and do more of the same.

Play, experiment, and enjoy.  You’re already going in the right direction.  See what happens when you do more of the it, this time with the volume up.

4. Test Any Disconnect

You might be aware of a feeling of dissonance, or disconnect though.  A sense of discomfort that the words people are using in their feedback don’t sound like the way you are.

In which case…

Try and ask yourself where the discomfort comes from.  Is it an automatic reaction?  Some people – many people – reach automatically for self-deprecation in response to compliments and praise.  It doesn’t need to be in relation to writing – it’s a well worn pattern of behaviour… which unfortunately misses the chance to learn from what someone else has said.

Think about it; don’t dismiss it by saying something that implies you don’t deserve the compliment, whether to them directly or as self-depreciating self-talk. Accept what that very generous person said to you as a clue that may reveal more about you than you may realize~ Rosa Say

Listen out for the voice of ‘not enough’.  If you’ve got an inner critic running rampant who’s whispering that your work is not good enough, try tuning into that voice.

What’s it saying… specifically?  What kind of voice is it?  Do you know where it comes from, or whose voice it is?  Do you agree wholeheartedly with his/her conclusions about your writing?

Of course it might not be self-deprecation, more the case that the feedback you’re getting doesn’t ring true with how you see yourself, or how you want to be.  (You might get praise for being clear-minded, when you’re trying to be poetic.  Thanked for being witty, when you want to shift to being deep.)

Working out where the disconnect comes from should give you some clues about where you want to go next.  And then a different set of options, approaches, and yes, other challenges open up.

5. Experiment

If you know where you want to get to, try experimenting with your writing for a while.  Write in different placess, or try out a different form.   Set a positive intention around the impact you want to make (including the tone you want to achieve) and see what happens when  you write within that frame.

And yes… then pay attention to the feedback you get.

But don’t drive yourself mad trying to achieve a style or a tone that’s never going to work for you.

Accept that writing is something you can never do as well as it can be done

*

How do you react when you get positive feedback on your writing?  Are there ways you’ve learned to use it so you can keep on stretching and improving?

Photo Credit: Feedback Experiment by Sune P on flickr
* one of the 27 secrets to writing like Hemingway)