10 Ways to Write Without Apology

Real humility is not denying the gifts you are offered; it is accepting them. – Alan Cohen

Where do the apologies that creep into our writing come from?

Thinking about that as I was writing the pieces on apologising, and reading your comments and feedback, I kept on coming back to fear.

That fear comes in many guises (and you probably have your own home-made version):

• Fear that you’re not an authority

• Fear that you’re not justified in the opinions you express

• Fear that you’ll be found out

• Fear that you’re not good enough

• Fear of criticism

• Fear of the bright lights of success

• Fear of the sound of your own voice

Those fears creep into our writing.  Get us to tone it down and tune it out.  Diminish what it is we’re trying to say.

Learning to change the words can help.  It gets you into the habit of writing with confidence, and listening to yourself speaking with confidence, clarity and kindness.

But there’s more to it than the words.  The words are reflecting the inner state.  And that means looking for answers beyond words.

Here are ten things that work for me (indulge me, you know I love numbered lists):

1. Set an intention

Focusing on your purpose rather than your words is a great way to get round the inner critic.  Think about the difference you want to make with your writing – something that’s more powerful than the gremlins can ever be.  Don’t fall into the trap of setting an intention that feels like another ‘should’ (should write something meaningful, should write something powerful and inspiring).

Look for a purpose that makes you feel light, excited, motivated… and gets your fingers tingling, ready to type.  (For example, but don’t take my words or they’ll just become shoulds…to share something beautiful you’ve found, to express gratitude, to make someone smile.)

2. Manage your state before you write

It’s really hard to write with warmth, power, levity, authority, confidence… if you’re not feeling that way.  Get into the habit of managing your state before you start to write.  Get into the right frame of mind before you start – whether that’s music, reading, exercise, watching a youtube video or lighting a candle… find what works for you and do it.

3. Listen to the music of your words

Learning to recognise the pattern, rhythm, melody and yes music of your words will help you to love your own writing.  It will start to delight you.  It’s part of finding your own sweet spot, and recognising that it’s okay (and maybe even necessary) for you to share it.

Here’s more on sweet spots, tooting sweetly and recognising your own music:

Of all the values I teach, the toughest one for people is ha‘aha‘a, the value of humility. People don’t really get it. What most people consider ‘being humble’ to be, is actually a cop-out of being uninvolved, where they are less engaged in the guise of not stepping on someone’s toes, being shy and hesitant, and not tooting their own horn when their music would actually sound wonderfully melodic and sweet if they did. Folks, you need to toot away!

4. Go outside

Observe nature.  How does she do it?  Learn from that.

5. Go inside

Write, journal, reflect.  Going inside helps us work out what’s going on, what matters, what our values are (and why we want to pass them on.)  Think about standing deeper inside rather than the sense of exposure you worry about when  you focus on the outside (more on this here: Stand Out and Stand In)

When we “Stand Out,” or when we “step out” into what we want, what we’re actually doing is moving deeper inward. In fact, I’d wager to say that the inward movement is required in order to hold our center.

6. Find words that light your fire

These words from Marianne Williamson do it for many people, including me.  She hits the nail on the head when she talks about the fear of our power.

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

7. Encourage others

One of the great things about blogging (the interactive sort, that includes reading and commenting) is that you get into the habit of writing positively.  Giving positive and constructive feedback, with the aim of encouraging and supporting others.  Reading and recognising the power of other people’s words – what kinds of things resonate, what has spirit, what can teach you something.  It all adds to the confidence mix.

8. Practice writing with confidence

Look for ways to edit out the apologies and write in the confidence.  Working on the language can help you do it bit by bit.  And the more you write with confidence (and hear it ringing truly from your words) the more you’ll start to feel that way.  It’s a virtuous circle

9. Check your sources

Your apprehension has probably kicked in because you’re going out of your comfort zone.

It might be a signal from your unconscious mind that something’s not right – and that you need to check something again, or learn something new first, or research another element, or rewrite so it’s more accurate.  In which case: check your sources thoroughly before you publish and send.

Or it might ‘just’be those niggling fears of not being good enough that are getting in the way.

In which case: check your sources.  (Your intention, the inspiration you get from the natural world, the words that light you fire…)

10. Go for it

Who are you not to?

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How have you learned to write without apology?  What made the biggest difference?  What’s the biggest difference you still want to make?

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This is the third in a series on apologetic writing.  Other posts in the series:

Stop Apologising (for the things you’ve never done)

5 Simple Ways to Power Up Your Writing

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Linked Reading:

How to become a fire breathing writing dragon ~ Joanna Young

How purpose beats the inner critic ~ Joanna Young

Stand Out and Stand In ~ Christine Kane

Toot Sweetly: Create Your Own Distinction ~ Rosa Say

Alan Cohen quote found on Twitter

Work with Joanna and learn to express yourself with confidence. Online classes to free the inner writer. Get help writing the pages that you need for an effective presence on the web.

Tagged as: apologetic writing, confident writing